Originally from
Hailey, Idaho (Pop: 6,200), which is known for being one of Idaho's more
creative and artistic communities (Although to some sarcastic observers, that's
not saying much about Idaho in general!), Michael Burke is a rising New York
City-based performance artist. On Wednesday, July 2nd, Fusefest 2003 presented
"Bang-A-Gong", a two part show at the HERE Arts Center, which featured Michael
Burke's "Cucumber Dreams", and "Bad Girls" by comedians Allison Castillo and
Greg Walloch. At the opening of "Cucumber Dreams" and periodically throughout
the show, a female voiceover tells us some juicy information about Homo sapiens'
nearest living relative, the Bonobo chimpanzee-- an ape who shares about 98% of
the same genes with us. We learn that "Homsexual activity is nearly as common as
heterosexual activity among the Bonobo chimpanzees"... and that the horny chimps
enjoy such activities as deep tongue kissing, genital massage, oral sex, and
something called "penis fencing", whereby two male chimps hang face to face from
a branch and rub their erect penises together. In fact, Bonobos-- unlike most
other animals-- have a partial separation of sex for reproduction and sex for
pleasure. We then meet Michael Burke, who unleashes his monologue about the
plight of a young gay guy looking for "Mr. Right" in the big city... or, at
least, avoiding another "Mr. Loser". Hmmm...If you've ever thought about how the
"ritual" of hooking up at a club wasn't too different from, or more evolved
than, the mating ritual of certain members of the animal kingdom, you've got the
point! Like the way Josephine Baker had her trademark "banana dance", Brke
brings us his "cucumber dance". He emerges, in a tutu, to the music of LFO's
"Summer Girls", the song that goes "New Kids on the Block had a bunch of hits,
Chinese food makes me sick, and I think it's fly when girls stop by for the
summer. I like girls who wear Abercrmbie and Fitch..." During the song, he
unleashes a bunch of cucumbers from various locations (!) and drops them on the
floor. Michael then loses the tutu, showing us his limber body and ready to
bring us a whole array of anecdotes and one-liners about sex in the city.Michael proclaims, "In my eyes, trashy equals sexy!" He tells of his fateful night at the popular, trashy East Village hotspot The Cock. He describes the smell at the Cock: beer, sweat, and... ahem, other components. Michael meets an all-American-looking guy (not normally his type!) with a T-shirt that says "Lifeguard" (To which Michael quips, "He's definitely gay!"). Our love-hungry hero learns that the guy's name is Jonathan, and the two make a date. Michael is a bit nervous but excited, leaving a message for his friend, "I'm on my way to my date with the lifeguard from The Cock!" Unfortunately, Jonathan turns out to be as dim as he is good-looking. Mr. Burke isn't reassured when, among other things, his new love interest selects the sexual abuse-themed flick "Sleepers" as a "date movie". And what is Michael to make of Jonathan's fascination with cucumbers? (Calm down, it's not the dirty thing you're thinking!) Michael Burke is a talented comedian-- his facial expressions are just priceless, and his body movements leave no mystery that he's a dancer. Eventually, our hero ends up at the Bellevue STD Clinic-- and he doesn't even have an STD! And so, Michael partially concludes with the questions that so many other single gay men in New York City ask themselves periodically: "Why do you always run into people you don't want to in a city of millions?" "Why do I hook up with people I don't even like?" Michael Burke will be performing a further-developed version of "Cucumber Dreams" at the 2003 Philadelphia Fringe Festival... and then hopefully after that, New York City audiences will get to here more of Michael's love adventures. Just one question: Whatever happened to Jonathan? Stay tuned...
In
"The Virginity Monologues", our young heroine opens with "Once upon a time, I
had standards about what I thought was attractive... once upon a time, when I
was five." Who is this monologuist? She's a Korean-American comedienne who calls
herself "an experienced fag hag", recalls humorous anecdotes about sexual
experiences with both men and women, and ain't afraid to get little dirty-- the
whole time, offering insight on our idiosyncratic society through her humor.
She's Ms. Cho. No, not THAT one. Aileen Cho, who must be getting just a bit
tired of everyone always asking her, bears more than a slight resemblance to
Margaret Cho but claims no genetic relation. On Friday, June 27th, AIileen Cho
shared the bill with fellow comedian/performance artist Mike Albo for "Homo
Summer Camp", a night of monologues at the HERE Arts Center, as part of the FUSE
Festival. AIleen brought us "The Virginity Monologues", a story about looking
for love-- or at least, sexual enlightenment-- in all the wrong places. But for
Aileen, exploring her sexuality provides her with stories that are at times
funny, at times provocative, and at times both. She's obviously exploring her
sexuality, and through it she learns some facts that many of us know or
eventually learn as well-- like, anonymous sex ain't really that sexy 'cause
there's no real feeling involved. She touches upon her childhood a bit: her
immigrant parents, and how seeing Wonder Woman on TV brought out some Sapphic
feelings within her. She then goes into her assorted sexual adventures, starting
with her first time ("He broke my cherry... and dumped me 10 minutes later.")
and through to her experiences at a Long Island sex club. She recalls a
hilarious anecdote about a trip with her gay friend C.J. to Cats, a pre-Giuliani
gay strip joint, where a presumably straight male stripper puts the moves on
her, to which Cho responds with deadpan disinterest: "I wonder if he'll notice
that my crotch is as dry as a neutered nun." Another anecdote involves a guy who
she met through the Internet. On their date, he suggests an expensive
restaurant, and afterward (You guessed it!) he states, "Let's go Dutch!" AIleen
Cho's love-hungry heroine definitely undergoes a catharsis... and, specifically,
it's during her recitation of a long letter she's written to Match.com,
expressing her disappointment at their services. Like the rest of "The Virginity
Monolgues", it moves Aileen through the journey of dating, love, and sex: from
original fantasy, to heartache, and finally to some level of reality and
balance. It became obvious at the end of "The Virginity Monologues" that Aileen
Cho still believes that she may find love. We get an interesting comparison when
we when we compare Aileen Cho's show-- with her wide-eyed, often naive feelings
about dating and romance-- to her fellow peformer that night, Mike Albo, whose
comedic observations on society are sarcastic to the nth degree.